The Truth About Control: Why You're More In Charge Than You Think
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Most people think they’ve lost control when life goes off script.
They get sideswiped by stress, by circumstances, by other people’s mess, and they tell themselves they’re stuck. Helpless. At the mercy of it all.
I used to think the same.
Until I learned what control actually is.
And more importantly, what it isn’t.
WHAT MOST PEOPLE GET WRONG ABOUT CONTROL
Control isn’t about bending the world to your will.
It’s not about being ten steps ahead, having the perfect plan, or micromanaging your way through chaos.
That kind of control is a fantasy. And chasing it will drive you mad.
Real control is quieter. Smaller. But way more powerful.
It’s in what you say next.
What you do with your hands when you’re angry.
Whether you keep your routine when your head’s a mess.
Whether you act from your values or out of panic.
You can lose control of your situation and still keep control of yourself.
That’s the difference between staying grounded or spinning out.
THE DAY I NEARLY LOST IT
I remember a scene I was called to — one of those jobs where everything’s already chaotic before you even arrive.
People shouting over each other.
Conflicting stories.
And pressure from above to get answers yesterday.
My instinct was to rush. Fix it. Be seen to be doing something.
But I’ve learned the hard way — when you react without thinking, you don’t solve problems. You make more of them.
So I stopped. Took a breath.
Did one slow lap around the scene.
Took control of what I could — my own process, my own rhythm.
Weirdly, that small move slowed everyone else down too.
The energy shifted. The noise lowered.
We got clarity quicker.
That’s what real control looks like.
It’s not about power. It’s about presence.
WHERE WE GIVE IT AWAY
Most people give away their control without even realising it.
They give it to the past — replaying things they can’t change
They give it to the future — imagining every worst-case scenario
They give it to other people — trying to please, impress, or outdo them
They give it to their emotions — letting anger or anxiety run the show
Control doesn’t disappear. We trade it.
And usually, we trade it for comfort, avoidance, or approval.
SO HOW DO YOU GET IT BACK?
It’s not a big dramatic act.
It’s not a motivational speech in the mirror.
And it’s definitely not pretending everything’s fine.
You take control back in small, deliberate ways.
Every day.
Especially when things feel out of your hands.
1. CHOOSE YOUR FOCUS
If you zoom in on what’s wrong, your brain will run with it.
If you focus on what you can do next, your body follows.
Even if it’s just one thing.
That’s movement. And movement creates momentum.
2. CONTROL YOUR INPUT
What are you watching, reading, listening to, scrolling?
What voices are you letting into your head?
Your inputs drive your thoughts.
Your thoughts drive your emotions.
It’s all connected.
Clean up your inputs and your mindset follows.
3. STICK TO YOUR ANCHOR HABITS
Don’t wait until you feel better to do the things that keep you stable.
Do them because you don’t feel stable.
I’ve got three go-to habits:
- Movement (even just a fast-paced angry walk)
- Morning structure (coffee, check-in, action list)
- One act of honesty (with myself or someone else)
Those three things have kept me steady when everything else was sideways.
4. ASK BETTER QUESTIONS
Instead of:
Why is this happening to me?
Try:
What can I influence right now?
Instead of:
Who’s to blame?
Try:
What part of this can I own?
Control doesn’t live in your circumstances.
It lives in your questions.
THIS ISN’T ABOUT BLAME
Let’s be clear — I’m not saying everything is your fault.
But if you’re waiting for life to get easier before you take back control, you’ll be waiting a long time.
Control is the starting point. Not the reward.
You don’t wait for motivation. You build it through action.
You don’t wait for peace. You create it with boundaries.
You don’t wait for the perfect moment. You make a decision and shift the energy.
THE CONTROL CIRCLE THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING
One of the simplest and most powerful tools I teach is this:
Draw two circles.
In the middle: everything you can control.
Around the edge: everything you can’t.
Write it all out. Be honest.
Then look at where your energy’s been going.
Chances are, most of it’s been leaking out into that outer circle — stuff you can’t influence.
No wonder you’re knackered.
Now commit: all energy goes inside the circle.
That one exercise changed how I show up in every part of life — work, relationships, even how I talk to myself.
YOU’RE NOT STUCK. YOU’RE SCATTERED.
Most of the time, when people say they’re stuck, they’re not.
They’re just overwhelmed. Distracted. Pulled in too many directions.
Trying to control too much that was never theirs to carry.
Bring it back to centre.
Control your thoughts.
Control your breathing.
Control your next five minutes.
That’s more than enough to change the rest of your day.
IF THIS HIT HOME
If you’re reading this thinking, “I’ve given away too much control lately,” then don’t just nod. Do something.
Start with these:
✅ The 3-Day Resilience Reset
Get back in charge of your mindset in 10 minutes a day. Tactical, powerful, free.
(No faff. No forced positivity. Just real structure that works.)
📖 The first 30 pages of Thrive in Chaos
My book will show you how to thrive in pressure — not just survive it.
Grab the free preview and see how it applies to your life now.
🧠 The Resilience Rapid Response Kit
If you want tools to stop spiralling, calm your head, and stay grounded in chaos — this bundle’s built for you.
FINAL WORDS
Life won’t hand you control.
You take it back — choice by choice, habit by habit, breath by breath.
Stop giving your power to things you can’t change.
Start showing up where it actually counts.
The storm might not stop.
But you don’t have to get swept away.